One Small Step

Ok, so you know that crazy feeling that I said that I have been getting about something exciting happening?! Well, it has gotten even more weird!

I don't know how many of you really believe in "signs" or anything like that. But I sure do. So I have been getting that feeling for a few days now and then two nights ago I had the craziest dream!

It was about my ex boyfriend. And not just any ex...THE ex. Im not sure if I have mentioned him on here before. We dated for about 3 years at the end of highschool and beginning of college. This is the guy that I though I was going to be with for forever. And when we broke up I was devastated. I went though a really hard time with, and we even discussed him a lot in therapy as a possible trigger for my eating disorder (feeling out of control about the breakup and needing to counteract it with the control of my body). Not saying that he was the SOLE reason, but def. a part of it.

Basically my dream was about just letting him go. For good. I have hung on to that relationship for years, and compared every other boy to him. When I woke up I knew it was time for to move on. If I was going to go any further with my life, I had to let him go.

I have kept this box of notes and pictures from when were together for forever...yesterday I pulled it out, and without thinking twice about it, I threw it in the dumpster at work last night. I am moving on now, I have let that part of my life go, and I'm not gonna compare any more. Its time for something NEW!

Ok, I hope you guys don't think that I am absolutely crazy or anything now. haha. It is just one of those things that I had to deal with.

Onto EATS!

Of course I had my blogs and oats in the morning before going to school to be the art teacher.

I made sure to get several bits of info into one picture...banana oats, blogs on the laptop, fave flannel pj pants, early as HELL!, cup of coffee, and animal print pillow (of course). Its almost like a page out of I Spy!

Then it was my packed lunch at my desk

Cinnamon Raisin Swirl Peanut Butter (FAVE!), Blackberry Preserves, Banana, on Honey Wheat Bread, and some Honey Wheat Pretzels. With a little side of "Plans for the Sub".

After I subbed I had to work at the Rave last night. I will be doing this for the next three days!! That is a total of 40.5 hours of work in 4 days!!! But after that I leave for the beach, so I will have plenty of time to recuperate.

When I went into work I noticed that we had gotten in the cutest new top! I figured since I have been straight workin my ass off, I deserved a new top...the best part?! It has a unique back (of course!) :)

This is a picture of the back of the shirt. OH SO BEACHY!

Alright guys...gotta JET! I am a teacher by day and a raver by night! haha. WISH ME LUCK!

Hope everyone has a Happy Hump Day!

Lots of Love <3 Ems.

DO DO You Got a First Aid Kit Handy?!

But really?! Anyone?! Or at least know how to give a good massage, because I think my legs MAY just fall off at any second. Whew! Those two days of running 6 straight miles are killing me! I decided to take it easy today because I do not want my legs to be hurting this bad on Saturday, so I just did an easy 3 miles today and some on the eliptical. Tomorrow is my rest day, so I dont plan on running at all so that my legs can have a rest.

SO excited to get THIS today:

#217 baby! Im starting to think that I'm in over my head though. Last night I was talking to a friend whose wife is running the race just as training for a TRIATHLON! And then when I went to pick up my number today I started talking to another girl who looked about my age who was running it to. She asked if this was my first 10K and I said yes. I, in turn, asked if it was hers as well and she said "yes, its my first 10k". Automatically I assumed that she had probably ran a 5K before and that this was her first 10K, but no no no...she just ran a marathon. hmmmm oh well, as long I complete it I will be happy, Im not going to worry about pushing myself too hard for a great time. Ive got nothing to prove to anyone but myself, and I just want to have fun doing this!

So after the gym I came home and ate lunch. I have been soooo hungry since running everyday. Its weird because I'm not technically burning as many calories, but I feel like I get so much more of a workout (and I def. sweat ALOT more!). haha. I wasnt really sure what I was hungry for though...so I just stuck to the usual wrap.

• Italian Herb Flat Out Wrap
• Red Pepper Hummus (mixin it up from the garlic)
• Deli Sliced Turkey
• Salsa
• Cucumber (you guys dont even wanna know how I initially had this spelled...lets just say it was slightly dirty!)
• Spinach
• Spicy Mustard
• With a Granny:

I decided that I needed to balance all this fruit out with some veggies. So I added some broccoli and celery with a side of salsa for dipping.

I always use the most random things to put food in. My apples are in a coffee cup and my salsa is in the lid to a jar :) Hey, if the food fits...

After lunch I went to pick up my race goodies and then to the FREE tanning bed. Oh, how I am lovin the free cancer in a box. I know, its horrible. I need to stop...I just need the real sun to come quick! After tanning I headed to work at the mall for a few. I had the most touching moment with my manager. She knew me when I was right in the midst of my ED and she watched me go through recovery. She was a HUGE support and still tells me almost everyday how good I look now and how proud she is of me. Anyways, she was asking me some questions about what I went though (which I have no problem talking about with her) when all of sudden she just stopped and said "I just have to give you a hug and let you know how proud I am of you, I was really scared for you when I first met you, and you have come such a long way since then". I almost started tearing up! I know its a long hard road, and I would be kidding myself and everyone else if I said that I was 100% now, but I know that I will get there and I see changes everyday that get me closer and closer to my goal.

Ok so after work I came home and made up a veggie burger. At the last minute I decided that it might be good with some cheese on it, so I threw it on top of the burger while it was on the grill. Boy, did I regret that decision. The cheese got wayyyy to melty and the burger was almost too messy to even eat! Well, ALMOST...I did manage, of course ;)

• Morningstar Veggie Burger Patty
• Arnolds Sandwich Thin
• Spinach
• Sprout
• Mustard
• Ketchup
• American Cheese Slice

With a beautiful salad on the side:

Now it time to get ready for bed. I have to SUB in Kindergarten at 730 AM tomorrow. Keep me in your prayers...its 5 year olds + Friday the 13th + the friday before their spring break = umm you do the math!

I hope everyone has a great Friday...any fun plans?!

Lots of Love <3 Ems.

Gettin Old...

Ok, maybe not that old. But at 7:47 tonight I will offically be 23 years old! Am I the only one that does not feel like they act their age?!

This morning I was thinking back on this past year and what my birthday last year was like. So much has changed and I have had so many AMAZING experiences this year. I feel like I have really grown in my recovery since last year at this time, and have become a stronger more independent women. I still struggle and have bad days, but I am proud of how far I have come and how strong it has made me. I look back on the time when I was furthest into my ED and all I see is a scared little girl. I do not want to be that girl ever again. I want to be the strong women that I am working towards now. I AM A FIGHTER! so come on put up your dukes!

So my birthday breakfast this morning was of course french toast....because what else is better for a birthday morning brekkie?!

and a GINORMOUS cup of coffee in my HUGE-O coffee mug that I got in San Francisco. yes, I am such a tourist :)

And now I am off to shower and go birthday shoppin' and lunchin' with mi madre!

Have a great day lovelies! <3 Ems

Dinner and a Movie Night!

So I wake up this morning to a text from the bestie saying "dinner date tonight?"...um of course! I have not seen her in about a week and we have a TON of catching up to do over dinner. I got even more excited when I realized that it was Wednesday and my all time favorite SUSHI restaurant has HALF-OFF of all their sushi rolls :) talk about the ultimate BEST night for a dinner date. My friend doesnt really like sushi too much (im trying to get her into it), so I asked her if it was ok to eat there but that we didnt have to, but she said it was fine! YAY! Then we decided that we might as well make a night of it and go to a movie afterward as well. I have been in the mood for a scary movie, so we decided that we are gonna go see The Unborn.

Purrrrrtty scarrrry! haha.

You guys will be so happy to see a break in the flat out wraps streak. I was in the mood for a just plain-o sammie today. I have been craving mushrooms for the past couple o' days so I picked some up yesterday and just HAD to use them in my sandwich for lunch today. Here she is with some Kashi crackers on the side:

roasted red pepper hummus, spinach, mushroom, and salsa sandwich on whole wheat bread...grilled on the Fore-Man!

BURSTING with mushrooms! :)

And then I may have snuck in a couple of these thing-ys for d-cert.

and maybe a few more ;)

I just wanna say thanks again for everyone who was thinking about me and gave me such awesome support for my interview yesterday. Your kind words and thoughts meant soooo much more than I could ever say. It really was a big accomplishment for me to even go. I had to wake up at 330 in the morning to drive the 3 and half hours to get there for the interview. There were so many times where I thought "im just not going to go, there are too many things working against me, it wont be worth it." But, I bit the bullet and I went for it! I knew I wanted to and I WAS NOT going to let negative thoughts get in my way. In a way it kind of reminded me of overcoming the negative feelings and thoughts associated with ED. There was that little voice in the back of my head that told me I couldnt do it, just like with ED telling me I needed to control my body by restricting and exercising, that I was weak if I didnt. But I turned around and looked that little voice right SMACK in the face and I said "I am strong and I can do this", I shook it off and I DID IT! and I was so proud of myself for accomplishing that, whether I get the job or not :)

Ok, time to get ready for "date night"...im GONNA take pictures of the food, im not going to be embarrassed! haha...because you just have to see how AMAZING this place is!

oh yeah, and you bet your Valentines Day Lovin' booty i WILL be particpating in Lee's "Secret Cupid" extravaganza and you probably should too :)

I might try something new tonight...What is your favorite sushi roll?