Wed-Nezzz-Day

Good Morning Loves! FINALLY its Wednesday right?! Does anyone else feel like this week has gone by ULTRA slow?! When I was little (as in last year) I could never remember how to spell Wednesday, so now everytime I write it I say to myself "wed" "nezz" "day", because that's how its spelled! haha. Hey, whatever works right? It the same with the word "beautiful"...that's a hard one too.

Anyway, no news yet on the job thing. But, I'm thinking its still too early. Most of the schools said they would call within a couple of weeks, and my Aunt said that sometimes she doesn't get calls until a couple of weeks before schools starts. But I am still hot on the job trial. I have been putting in applications ALL OVER!

More exciting news...I have a beach trip planned! OH YES! We are going to Charleston (my favorite place ever) from May 31st until June 6th. Only 39 more days...let the countdown begin!

Yesterday I got in a really good run. I decided to just start running and let my body tell me how far it wanted to go, I ended up doing 6 miles so I was happy with that.

Can I just tell you guys how much running has really helped me with my food issues?! It has been so good for me, because I am looking at food in a whole other way. During my ED I would look at food as something to be "scared" of or something that would make me gain weight...etc, etc. But now I look at food as something that fuels me for runs and makes my body stronger. I look at it as something that is working with me to make me a better running, not working against me. This is totally a new revelation and a HUGE step in my recovery. I have been so happy with what running as done for me. Because I want to be a better runner, I want my body to be stronger.

Still on the subject of running...how awesome is it that my roommate's new boyfriend is a rep for athletes, especially runners...and he just so happens to be a rep for Ryan Hall, the 3rd place finishers of the Boston Marathon! Maybe I could meet him! haha.

Speaking of food...I used the last of my Flat-Out Wraps yesterday! Time for a Wal-Mart trip today, I suppose.

This HAS to be my favorite lunch:

• Italian Herb Flat-Out
• Spicy Mustard
• Turkey
• Spinach
• Tomato
• Salsa
• Side of Soy Crisps

I had dinner over at the parents house last night because it had been a while since I visited. My mom made crab cakes and salad. Why is food always so much better when your mom makes it?!

This morning I fixed up the usual fruity oats.

• 1/2 cup oats
• 1/2 cup vanilla soy milk
• Chopped Strawberries
• Blueberries
• 1/2 Banana
• Cinnamon

Today plans are either running or cross training or maybe yoga...I haven't quite decided yet. But it looks like it may be a pretty day, so I will probably have to take advantage of that. Thankfully there are only a few days left of this rainy month. Then of course tonight is pool night.

Hope everyone is having a great Mid-week! Lots of Love

<3 Ems.

Ch-ch-ch Changes

So, as you guys know the past couple of days have really been a struggle for me, well heck we will go ahead and say the past couple of months have been a struggle for me. Im caught in a cross roads at a very strange time and have been hit with the harsh reality that I have to make a decision, things have to change. As much as I would love to stay in the routine of what is comfortable and "safe" for me, it is no longer possible to do that. And that happens sometimes, its life and if there are not bumps in the road and hard decisions to make, then you are not fully living it.

It hit me hard during my run today. My mind just started to wonder and I started trying to work everything out in my head. I came to the conclusion that most of the things that I am struggling with are a result of one thing : fear of the change, of something new. It has been something that I have seen around a lot of the blogs lately too, and it definitely is a major theme in the road to recovery from ED. Fear of the unknown, its always gotten to me. Im afraid of new relationships because I have been hurt in the past, I am afraid of new jobs because I might not like them, I am afraid to step outside of the comforts that I have worked so hard to build up in my everyday life. But here is what hit me, just out of now where today while I was pondering all of this - sometimes things just HAVE to change, sometimes its for the better and sometimes not...but things will always fall into place. I can not hold on to something for forever, what good would that do? I have to let go of the past and start on a new road. Sure, things were great on that old road that I have been on for so long, but some things weren't. Now there is a new road, a new chapter that I have to embrace and leave the other one behind. Yes, it could have its bumps as well...but I am fully confident that it will have its smooth spots too.

Then, just like I was meant to find this, one of my friends sent me a quote on my phone that I just so happened to read right after my run. It hit so close to home that I was almost in tears while reading it. From what I have been reading in a lot of other blogs about fear of change, I thought that a lot of you may be able to relate. So here it is:

"Change. It can be the most amazing thing, or the worst heartache. So much is different since last week, and then I think back to last month... And I see a picture hanging up from last year. I see me and my friends laughing and I miss them, I miss then. Then I think about how great life is now and I wonder why I miss back then. I think the uncertainty of the moment right now and wondering whats next can be fearful... But aren't you excited to think about the potential of tomorrow? The anticipation of looking back a year from now at the pictures you'll take next week is worth waking up for. No matter how miserable a situation may seem, you can always find hope in the fact that it too will soon change. And although you might miss a moment or a feeling from the past, you still always have the chance to feel it again. Take advantage of your chances, there are some things you don't want to regret."

Everything about this just fit my situation to a tee. I have been afraid to leave my old job because of the fun times and the people that I love there, but who is to say that I wouldn't experience all new great things in a new place? I have been afraid to start a new relationship because I am afraid that I would never fell love again like before and that I would be hurt again, but I have to break down that wall and realize that there is a chance to feel that again, if I don't hold myself back from it. I have been so scared of this change that I have let it just eat at me, but why? change is scary, but its good. It means that my life is GOING somewhere, not just sitting still.

So I'm going to face this change head on...I'm going to go down this new path full speed ahead. I want new experiences, new people, new places, ect. I'm ready...lets see whats down this road...bring it on.

THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD., originally uploaded by EDWARD DULLARD.

Change of subject...ask and you shall receive...wanna see the new boy?!

Did I mention that he is a foot taller than me?! haha. Also, this picture is from a while back, not from the games yesterday...but i just had to show a picture of him! :)

The game was fun. My sister came with me, so I got to spend quality time with her as well, which is always good. Obviously since I had to put up an old picture I didn't steal of pic of Lucas yesterday. But I did get a shot of him playing:

He's the pitcher ;)

And me and the sissy

Now, time for lunch, shower, work...and hopefully Lucas is coming in for a SECOND weekend. Can't get enough of me?!....perhaps....or maybe its just Easter. haha.

Hope everyone has a great day! Lots of Love, <3 Ems.

DO DO You Got a First Aid Kit Handy?!

But really?! Anyone?! Or at least know how to give a good massage, because I think my legs MAY just fall off at any second. Whew! Those two days of running 6 straight miles are killing me! I decided to take it easy today because I do not want my legs to be hurting this bad on Saturday, so I just did an easy 3 miles today and some on the eliptical. Tomorrow is my rest day, so I dont plan on running at all so that my legs can have a rest.

SO excited to get THIS today:

#217 baby! Im starting to think that I'm in over my head though. Last night I was talking to a friend whose wife is running the race just as training for a TRIATHLON! And then when I went to pick up my number today I started talking to another girl who looked about my age who was running it to. She asked if this was my first 10K and I said yes. I, in turn, asked if it was hers as well and she said "yes, its my first 10k". Automatically I assumed that she had probably ran a 5K before and that this was her first 10K, but no no no...she just ran a marathon. hmmmm oh well, as long I complete it I will be happy, Im not going to worry about pushing myself too hard for a great time. Ive got nothing to prove to anyone but myself, and I just want to have fun doing this!

So after the gym I came home and ate lunch. I have been soooo hungry since running everyday. Its weird because I'm not technically burning as many calories, but I feel like I get so much more of a workout (and I def. sweat ALOT more!). haha. I wasnt really sure what I was hungry for though...so I just stuck to the usual wrap.

• Italian Herb Flat Out Wrap
• Red Pepper Hummus (mixin it up from the garlic)
• Deli Sliced Turkey
• Salsa
• Cucumber (you guys dont even wanna know how I initially had this spelled...lets just say it was slightly dirty!)
• Spinach
• Spicy Mustard
• With a Granny:

I decided that I needed to balance all this fruit out with some veggies. So I added some broccoli and celery with a side of salsa for dipping.

I always use the most random things to put food in. My apples are in a coffee cup and my salsa is in the lid to a jar :) Hey, if the food fits...

After lunch I went to pick up my race goodies and then to the FREE tanning bed. Oh, how I am lovin the free cancer in a box. I know, its horrible. I need to stop...I just need the real sun to come quick! After tanning I headed to work at the mall for a few. I had the most touching moment with my manager. She knew me when I was right in the midst of my ED and she watched me go through recovery. She was a HUGE support and still tells me almost everyday how good I look now and how proud she is of me. Anyways, she was asking me some questions about what I went though (which I have no problem talking about with her) when all of sudden she just stopped and said "I just have to give you a hug and let you know how proud I am of you, I was really scared for you when I first met you, and you have come such a long way since then". I almost started tearing up! I know its a long hard road, and I would be kidding myself and everyone else if I said that I was 100% now, but I know that I will get there and I see changes everyday that get me closer and closer to my goal.

Ok so after work I came home and made up a veggie burger. At the last minute I decided that it might be good with some cheese on it, so I threw it on top of the burger while it was on the grill. Boy, did I regret that decision. The cheese got wayyyy to melty and the burger was almost too messy to even eat! Well, ALMOST...I did manage, of course ;)

• Morningstar Veggie Burger Patty
• Arnolds Sandwich Thin
• Spinach
• Sprout
• Mustard
• Ketchup
• American Cheese Slice

With a beautiful salad on the side:

Now it time to get ready for bed. I have to SUB in Kindergarten at 730 AM tomorrow. Keep me in your prayers...its 5 year olds + Friday the 13th + the friday before their spring break = umm you do the math!

I hope everyone has a great Friday...any fun plans?!

Lots of Love <3 Ems.

Pump, Pump, Pump It Up

Today was day two of trying out the running 6 miles thing, and I actually surprised myself again! I was looking forward to trying again all night last night and I woke up this morning ready to go! When I got to the gym, I saw an old friend and she said that she might do the race with me too, so that was exciting. Anyway, I managed to do six miles straight without walking, but at kind of a slow pace. I completed the six miles in about 80 min. But, like many of you have advised me to do, I'm not gonna worry about my time so much (I mean this is my first race) and just have fun and do it for the experience. I also have taken all of your advice and decided that its probably not the best idea to push myself to do six miles everyday up until the race, so I'm just gonna do a light run tomorrow and then probably just rest on Friday. Im also in the process of making a music mix for the run too. I took RunningLaur's advice and started with some slow music, but its a work in progress right now.

Everyone help out...What is your favorite song/songs to work out/run to. Maybe I could make a "blogger work-out mix CD" .

Another thing that I am LOVING is how running as my primary source of exercise makes me feel. I'm not sure if I have addressed this before, but in the midst of my ED I was working out ALL THE TIME, sometimes I would be in the gym twice a day. I was strictly working out to burn off calories, and I would not leave the gym until I had burned off almost every thing that I had eaten. Even today, when I workout on the eliptical or the other thing-y I do pay attention to how many calories I am burning over most everything else. Usually I try to burn a certain amount of calories before I will leave (of course I eat enough to make up for it now, unlike before) However, I know that this is not a healthy approach to exercise. Anyway, the point of that is today and yesterday when I was running I didnt even hardly look at the calories that I was burning, because I was more concentrated on the mileage. I realized half-way through my run yesterday that I had not even glanced at the calories I had burned and I just got the biggest smile on my face. FINALLY, I am doing something because I enjoy it, and because it makes me feel good. Not because I feel like I HAVE to burn a certain amount of calories. And even though I dont burn as many calories running as I do doing other things, I FEEL so much better and my body feels GOOD! I feel like this is just one more point in my recovery that I am about to hit. Girls, it is hard! Even though I have gained the weight back, I still struggle (I'm not gonna lie and act like my recovery is 100% now) You guys know that it is not all just the weight, it is changing the way you think. And it soooo hard to change when you have so much knowledge of calories, and food, and things like that. Slowly but surely I am getting there, and this is just proof. The past couple of days that I have been running I feel so healthy and happy. I feel more proud of my body now because it is in shape not skinny...and I'll take a muscular, womanly body over a stick thin little girl's body any day!

Wow! what a rant, I usually try to avoid those, but I just had to tell you guys about this turning point in my recovery. I hope it will continue to grow!

When I came home from my run I WAS HUNGRY and I was kinda craving something sweet. So I had my usual, but still yummy grilled PB&J. I wanted to do something different this time, just for kicks. So I added some nice big juicy blueberries on top of my 'Nanner.

I also tried out my new Oikos Vanilla Greek Yogurt:

This is the same flavor that my sister reviewed yesterday. I added some strawberries and blueberries to make it fruit-ier.

Why would my camera not focus?!! grrrr.

Oh my, just look at that gooey peanut butter and the warm melty blueberries. OH-SO-GOOD!

At the last minute I decided to go ahead and plate it up with some cantaloupe. Is it possible to eat too much fruit?! haha.

Now Im gonna surf some blogs and get some ideas for din din. Thanks for all the support and advice about the run. Anymore is totally welcome, I love hearing all the advice from you guys (I really admire all of you!). And dont forget to tell me your fave workout song/songs. I really am gonna make a blogger mix! Maybe distribute them?!

Hope everyone has a wonderful night! Lots of Love, <3 Ems.

Gettin Old...

Ok, maybe not that old. But at 7:47 tonight I will offically be 23 years old! Am I the only one that does not feel like they act their age?!

This morning I was thinking back on this past year and what my birthday last year was like. So much has changed and I have had so many AMAZING experiences this year. I feel like I have really grown in my recovery since last year at this time, and have become a stronger more independent women. I still struggle and have bad days, but I am proud of how far I have come and how strong it has made me. I look back on the time when I was furthest into my ED and all I see is a scared little girl. I do not want to be that girl ever again. I want to be the strong women that I am working towards now. I AM A FIGHTER! so come on put up your dukes!

So my birthday breakfast this morning was of course french toast....because what else is better for a birthday morning brekkie?!

and a GINORMOUS cup of coffee in my HUGE-O coffee mug that I got in San Francisco. yes, I am such a tourist :)

And now I am off to shower and go birthday shoppin' and lunchin' with mi madre!

Have a great day lovelies! <3 Ems

Boo-Tay-Licious

Per request of Miss Mica...BAM!

ta ta ta ta tasty tasty. And we also take note of Tanya's hottness too. I mean I gotta give credit where credit is due :)

So today was the interview in Charlotte and I was tossing and turning all night long. I literally got NO sleep. I had my alarm set for 330, but at 3 I just got up and started getting ready. But oh my gosh I LOVE Charlotte! It is the coolest city! After my interview I drove around and explored a little. And of course stopped in the super target and forever21. Look at the goodies:

Fage 0% and multiple flavor of archer farms yogurt....STOCKED!

I have NEVER been able to find the mighty maple until now...thank you super target!

Yet another feather shirt...check!

Cute vintage-y necklace

Feather earring...are you catching a theme?

So, today was pretty hectic and about 7 hours of it was spent in the car so im soooo sorry, but I didnt get pictures of the eats. I did however do a flat out wrap montage, reminiscent of a previous post, about how I have to put things in a certain order in my wraps/sandwiches. Here goes:

First I spread on the hummus to act as the "glue" when I roll it up.

Then add the turkey, just cause I feel like its the next logical step.

Then top the turkey with some salsa...I know this looks a little gross, but I got the idea to add salsa because it has everything you need in one easy step...tomatoes, green peppers, onions, etc. PLUS its good, I promise! :)

Then the spinach goes on top because it holds everything together.

Roll it all up...and VOILA! I still have not mastered the roll as well as Jenny or Jaime! GIRLS TEACH ME!!

All right bootilicious babes, Im exhausted so it is off to bed. I dont even think i will be staying up for the city tonight.

Hope everyone had a great Monday <33

P.S. Amanda and Jen I have interview questions for you girls but I couldnt find a e-mail address!! hook me up!