Thursday, April 9, 2009

Ch-ch-ch Changes

So, as you guys know the past couple of days have really been a struggle for me, well heck we will go ahead and say the past couple of months have been a struggle for me. Im caught in a cross roads at a very strange time and have been hit with the harsh reality that I have to make a decision, things have to change. As much as I would love to stay in the routine of what is comfortable and "safe" for me, it is no longer possible to do that. And that happens sometimes, its life and if there are not bumps in the road and hard decisions to make, then you are not fully living it.

It hit me hard during my run today. My mind just started to wonder and I started trying to work everything out in my head. I came to the conclusion that most of the things that I am struggling with are a result of one thing : fear of the change, of something new. It has been something that I have seen around a lot of the blogs lately too, and it definitely is a major theme in the road to recovery from ED. Fear of the unknown, its always gotten to me. Im afraid of new relationships because I have been hurt in the past, I am afraid of new jobs because I might not like them, I am afraid to step outside of the comforts that I have worked so hard to build up in my everyday life. But here is what hit me, just out of now where today while I was pondering all of this - sometimes things just HAVE to change, sometimes its for the better and sometimes not...but things will always fall into place. I can not hold on to something for forever, what good would that do? I have to let go of the past and start on a new road. Sure, things were great on that old road that I have been on for so long, but some things weren't. Now there is a new road, a new chapter that I have to embrace and leave the other one behind. Yes, it could have its bumps as well...but I am fully confident that it will have its smooth spots too.

Then, just like I was meant to find this, one of my friends sent me a quote on my phone that I just so happened to read right after my run. It hit so close to home that I was almost in tears while reading it. From what I have been reading in a lot of other blogs about fear of change, I thought that a lot of you may be able to relate. So here it is:

"Change. It can be the most amazing thing, or the worst heartache. So much is different since last week, and then I think back to last month... And I see a picture hanging up from last year. I see me and my friends laughing and I miss them, I miss then. Then I think about how great life is now and I wonder why I miss back then. I think the uncertainty of the moment right now and wondering whats next can be fearful... But aren't you excited to think about the potential of tomorrow? The anticipation of looking back a year from now at the pictures you'll take next week is worth waking up for. No matter how miserable a situation may seem, you can always find hope in the fact that it too will soon change. And although you might miss a moment or a feeling from the past, you still always have the chance to feel it again. Take advantage of your chances, there are some things you don't want to regret."

Everything about this just fit my situation to a tee. I have been afraid to leave my old job because of the fun times and the people that I love there, but who is to say that I wouldn't experience all new great things in a new place? I have been afraid to start a new relationship because I am afraid that I would never fell love again like before and that I would be hurt again, but I have to break down that wall and realize that there is a chance to feel that again, if I don't hold myself back from it. I have been so scared of this change that I have let it just eat at me, but why? change is scary, but its good. It means that my life is GOING somewhere, not just sitting still.

So I'm going to face this change head on...I'm going to go down this new path full speed ahead. I want new experiences, new people, new places, ect. I'm ready...lets see whats down this road...bring it on.

THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD., originally uploaded by EDWARD DULLARD.

Change of subject...ask and you shall receive...wanna see the new boy?!

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Did I mention that he is a foot taller than me?! haha. Also, this picture is from a while back, not from the games yesterday...but i just had to show a picture of him! :)

The game was fun. My sister came with me, so I got to spend quality time with her as well, which is always good. Obviously since I had to put up an old picture I didn't steal of pic of Lucas yesterday. But I did get a shot of him playing:

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He's the pitcher ;)

And me and the sissy

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Now, time for lunch, shower, work...and hopefully Lucas is coming in for a SECOND weekend. Can't get enough of me?!....perhaps....or maybe its just Easter. haha.

Hope everyone has a great day! Lots of Love, <3 Ems.

18 comments:

erinbee said...

its time to shake things up baby!

and why not shake things up with a cuuuuuuute boy?! good choice my dear!

Peanut Butter and Jenny said...

precious Em - thank you for this post! change can be something that is EXTREMELY scary.. and it's so easy to stay in our comfort zone and remain stagnate - but you are absolutely right.. where will that get us in life?! life is about switching things up - taking risks.. and sometimes those things will end up going wrong - but sometimes they will go so right.. and it's not knowing how things will end up and where life will take us that makes it so exciting.. your insight on change (and picture of your baseball playing boiiii.. adorable by the way!) reminds me of a quote i always use to hear. "don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game".. so true!

I hope your day is filled with light, smiles.. and who knows? maybe some surprises :) enjoy, beautiful <3 love you! xoxo

Emily said...

Aww, such a cute pic! You and your sis are so cute, too! :-)

I don't like change. It's often painful and I hate it when I'm going through it. But later I look back and realize how much I grow through the hardest times in life.

I will keep you in my thoughts are prayers as you look to the future, Em!

itsawrapteacher said...

Cute pic...looks like a fun time!

Katie said...

Aw, you guys make such a cute couple! And the photo of you and your sister is lovely as well :)
Your insight about change is spot on. Standing still might be comfortable and safe, but it's boring and lonely too. It's good to have mind reading friends :P

thecleanveggie said...

aww i am sorry to hear that you have been struggling lately! but your boy seems super cute so Im sure you'll shake things up ;)

stay strong!

Summer Slim said...

great perspective on accepting change!!

ps..you and your boy look so cute!

shelby said...

I for one know that change is a VERY scary thing! I'm not used to it, therefore I don't respond well to it. We all have to figure out that change can sometimes be good and it helps us learn and grow as people.

Dayummmm your boy is CUTE! ;)

Meg said...

I absolutely love this post. I'm so with you on every level of this subject, thank you for posting this, you made me realize so much. I can't wait to actually let go and take risks....that's what life's about. We can't expect everything to always stay the same...change is good, and it happens, no matter what kind of life you try to lead. It's unavoidable and should be embraced! i know you have the strength to embrace it with every ounce of confidence in you, and I hope your struggles subside soon and you're able to enjoy these new experiences in your life :)

Love, Meg

p.s. you and the boy are both lovely! You are gorgeous!

Sam said...

Lovely words Em! I have been struggling with really, truly changing as well-truly conquering my fears of my ED, truly challenging myself. And a lot it is for fear of loosing control, and also fear of the unknown. But let's look to the "the potential for tomorrow..." I just have to keep telling myself this. It's okay to be scared, it's okay if the road is bumpy. New is good; change is good.
Keep driving full speed ahead down this new road--get a speeding ticket!!!
Take care.

Mica said...

Congratulations on your decision, and best of luck!

...The boy is a cutie pie! Thanks for the pictures. :)

Baylee♥ said...

Such a good post!

I think so many of us struggle with overcoming fears. But you're absolutely right - so many things have changed from yesterday, a week ago, a year ago, etc. new things have happened to us, things we CANT control, and for the most part, we feel safe where we're at. but sometimes, we need to control the things that are changed. other people make changes and it effects our lives, and i think sometimes we need to make changes, not only for ourselves, but so we can also have an impact on others.

change is SCARY, but its going to happen. it needs to happen. can you imagine if EVERYTHING was always the same? BORING!

WOW! Lucas is a sexy beas...a very handsome fella. :) but you're still better looking! :p

lucindarella said...

I love love love that quote! Change is one of the scariest things in the world, especially when you are recovering. Its so much easier to just stay the same, stick to what you know and just exist. But its so much more exciting to move forward, to learn, to grow! I just have to remember to tell myself that sometimes as well....

Glad you had fun with the new boy!
x

Kristi @ Sweet Cheeks said...

Wow, I am in love with this post. It really hits home with me. I need to STOP fearing everything...be brave and get out there and make new memories. You are so right!!! We can do this!

You and the boy are SO adorable!

lilveggiepatch said...

You look SO happy, Em! This post is amazing, and I think strikes a chord with most of us reading it! Change is freaking TERRIFYING, but it's also so exciting. And you know you ALWAYS have us here for you :-)

dailydulcie said...

I loved reading this post Em !! It made so much sense. Change is DEFINITELY scary but we need to face it head on! Your new job will bring you new experiences and you will make new memories with new people. It can be fearful stepping out of your comfort zone, but life is exciting and meant to be uncomfortable at times!! You will see the benefits of welcoming change.. I know you will :D

As for the boy situation.. I too have been in love and hurt extremely badly.. I'm always scared to start a new relationship because I'm afraid I'll be hurt again.. but now I am facing my fears and starting a new relationship with a new boy.

Your cute baseball guy is ADORABLE. You 2 are so CUTE together. LOVING IT!!!

much love,
dulcie

Bec said...

What a cutie, love tall boys! I am definitely afraid of change, I am scared to start a new job this summer, go to a new school next year... growing up is scary!!! Hope you have a great weekend girl!

Nutritious is Delicious said...

You go girl!!!

Cute boy! :) lol

Looks like a fun time! Enjoy your weekend!